-
Re: Bioshock: Tenenbaum's Assistant (Chapter 1)
Hey! I love Bioshock. Can't wait for the sequel to come out. And because I like it, I could picture everything you were saying - the ice sculptures, men in ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: The Fallen Apple
Hello! I like your concept, but some parts of your poem don't really make sense. I don't know what the first two lines mean, and I think you only said ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: The Man Below My Terrace
Woah! I love this. It's so different. It has an old-sounding tone, and it's very strong. Kinda creepy, but it's lightened a little by your use of exclamation points. You ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dishwasher's Bane
Hello! I like this poem - it's lighthearted and fun. However, I think some of your words are unneccsary. For example, here: "The bane of a dishwasher, / A dishwasher's ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: It Happens
Hello! I think you could shorten this. It does drag on just a little. I think you could help this by putting some of the shorter lines together. It sounds ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Little Bird
Apart from changing "instore" to "in store", I can't find anything wrong with this. It's adorable! It flows well, the rhyming is good and it ends beautifully. Every line is ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Bury the Body
Hello! I really like this poem. Your rhyming scheme is different and interesting, and I think that's what I like most about it. It's also a bit creepy, especially the ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Willow Tree
I like the changes you have made! The bird simile makes a lot more sense now. Your poem is a little simpler, I think, but it still creates a strong ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Death of an Athiest, and Death of a Thiest
Hello! I think your poem is well-written. I assume it's all one poem, as it wouldn't have the same effect if they were seperated. Your rhyming is good and it ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Perfect
Hello! Not only was this quite long, but the lines themselves were pretty long, too. Someone once said that if a poem only has three good lines, it should only ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Tick Tock
Hello! The first thing that springs to my mind when reading this is that you're relying a lot on the font and colour of your poem, perhaps more than you ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Beautiful Scars
Hello! This is pretty good. It's difficult for me to relate to, not being a Christian, but I like you metaphor - I'm a sucker for a good extended metaphor ...
Jan 26, 2010 -
Re: 1.15.10
Hello! I really, really like this. Your imagery is great and it just sounds wonderful, too. I've read a lot of rhyming poetry lately, which is okay, but it makes ...
Jan 26, 2010 -
Re: Willow Tree
Hello! I really like this. :) I like your simile here: "I'll climb its gnarled branches,/to its highest peak/like a bird gazing over the world" but I think the way ...
Jan 26, 2010 -
Re: Natural Disaster
Hello! I quite enjoyed this. The topic is pretty overdone but you did put an interesting spin on it with the weather metaphor. What I really enjoyed about your poem ...
Jan 25, 2010
